- Actors: Brian Green, Danny Trejo, Tom Sizemore, Vinnie Jones
- Director: Patrick Durham
- Disc Format: Subtitled, NTSC
- Language: English
- Subtitles: English
- Region: Region 1
- Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1
- Number of discs: 1
- Rated: R
- Studio: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment
- DVD Release Date: November 12, 2019
- Run Time: 100 minutes
For everyone anxiously awaiting the next
installment of the Cross superhero
film franchise, Cross: Rise of the
Villains, it has arrived. Now that I have addressed the parents of family
members with supporting roles in the film, I can address everyone else. There
is absolutely nothing redeeming about this film beyond the paychecks it
provided an assortment of washed up minor celebrities. And there is nothing
impressive about the film beyond its ability to attract name actors, all of
which sleepwalk through their performances.
As the third
film in the Cross franchise, you
might expect there to be an established and coherent narrative, but that would
only work if the previous films had the ability to leave an impression. After
the release of Cross in 2011, there
was a 6-year gap between films nobody wanted. Now we have the third
installment, bringing back a superhero named Callan (Brian Austin Green) who
wears a cross amulet for his power. Armed with amulets of their own,
supervillains Muerte (Danny Trejo) and Drago (Manu Intiraymi) set out to
destroy the world... or something. In order to combat the villains, Callan joins
forces with former enemy, Gunnar (Vinnie Jones).
As expected from
a superhero film, there is plenty of action. And, as expected from a low budget
straight-to-video release, the action is all awful. The CGI effects are just
plastered on, despite the actors barely reacting in ways that fit with the
effects. To be clear, I’m not blaming the actors. No one person does a good
job, so it is no single individual’s fault for how absolutely atrocious this
movie is.
Part of what
makes this film so incoherent is the overwhelming number of characters. Sure,
this is an excuse to cram in washed up name actors like Tom Sizemore and Lou
Ferrigno in the otherwise throwaway roles, but it does nothing for the
narrative. It ends up barely feeling like Callan’s film, not that it matters
when he is played by an actor as un-engaging as Green is. If you don’t care
about the characters and aren’t entertained by the action, there are few
reasons not to lean heavily on the fast-forward button.
There is one
reason to watch this film, and this is to test your endurance. This movie
belongs in the same category as Sharknado,
in that the only reason to watch it is to enjoy how poorly it was made. There
is nothing on the DVD as a bonus to make up for the awful film. This isn’t
worth your time, much less your money.
Entertainment Value:
0/10
Quality of
Filmmaking: 0/10
Historical Significance:
0/10
Special Features: 0/10
Who ever wrote that review could use a lesson in grammar. Poor thing. Sounds like you wanted to be a film maker but ended up at the bottom of the barrel and attempting to write reviews. Enjoy your job at The local video store.
ReplyDeleteFilmmaker is not spelled with a space. Also I’d remove the “and”, and there is no reason to capitalize The.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, can we all agree that this movie is terrible? After seeing the trailer I had to google to see if it actually existed or was some kind of joke.
I love how the person criticizing grammar just got a lesson in their own errors. Karma.
ReplyDeleteThe gunfights were the single worst action sequences I have ever seen on film. And when the guy with the hatchet approaches the kid who was only winged in the shoulder and announces 'sometimes you gotta do things the old fashioned way, because it's Personal!' Well, that was the stupidest line allowed by law without a prescription.
ReplyDelete